A radio journalist has revealed that he regrets having his baby daughter and often gets "bored and frustrated" when he has to play with her.
Miguel Macias, 48, shared his feelings about fatherhood in an essay for the New York Times.
He acknowledged a "deep love" for his daughter, Olivia, but was also honest about some of the more challenging emotions he has felt since her arrival.
He wrote: "It’s a feeling that’s so difficult to talk about, so universally taboo, that I feel nervous expressing it even to the people closest to me: regret."
The new dad explained how he had never previously wanted children, preferring to focus on his career.
However, as the years passed, his ambitions of making Oscar-winning documentaries faded and his life did not look like he imagined.
This, combined with a desire to please his partner, led to them taking the leap and eventually welcoming the child.
Amid all the typical emotions felt by first-time parents, Macias said he was a little ashamed to find regret bubbling to the surface.
He attributed this partly to small things like frustration when his daughter is acting out and boredom with the monotony of parenthood.
"Despite my love for Olivia I don’t really enjoy playing with her," Macias admitted.
"I can play for 10, 15, 20 minutes, but after that, I get bored and frustrated that I am wasting time."
He also said he regrets the loss of his previous life and goals, and questioned whether it was the most moral decision to bring a child into a rapidly heating world rife with conflicts.
The journalist explained how he tried to suppress his feelings of regret as he has struggled with depression.
He said that, over time, he has come to appreciate sitting with the emotion as a way of dealing with it.
More importantly, Macias has come to the realization that regret can coexist with his immense love for Olivia.
"If we don't allow ourselves to feel regret — feel it and come to some sort of peace with it — we risk being haunted by it," he wrote.
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